I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
