who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
