I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
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Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
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It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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