Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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