I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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