I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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