It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
