Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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