Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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