Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
