Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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