i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
