hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
