he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
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i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
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Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
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