anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
