No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
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we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
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If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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