I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
