If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
