someone owes me an orgasm
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
