"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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