you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
