I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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