my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.