I am puke
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.