textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot