im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin