she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
