Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina