it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
