I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
A+ Viking dick
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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