did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
