i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
