She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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