time to smoke my breakfast
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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