it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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