If you die in college, do you die in real life?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
