So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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