I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
