Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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