note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
