Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we made out on top of his cat.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
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Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
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All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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