Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
