I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
