I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
