This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
