I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
