I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
