God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just found puke in my bra..
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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