she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
