I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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