I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
