I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
