I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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