Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
