I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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