I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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