HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
