have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
