we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
