I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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