He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
