do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
