I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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