I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
