We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
