She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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