i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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