We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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