A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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