Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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