You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
