i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
