I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
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