Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
