I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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